First Date

Guy (in the car) : There are kids waiting at the house. I'm sorry. Actually two are waiting for you to read them a bedtime story and tuck them in
Girl: No problem, do you have the book?
Guy: Yes
Girl: Good. Then no problem
Guy: Are you serious? You would really do that?
Girl: Sure, why not? There has to be a reason why you want help on our first date. If you didn't have a choice, I might as well help you.
Guy: Are you serious?
Girl: Sure. I would make fun of you later but I'm pretty sure that if I have to babysit on a first date, there's a good reason and that you will make it up to me another time.
Guy: Wow! I can't believe you are like that. Wow you're amazing
Girl: Thank you
At the house....
Guy: I'm going to cook right in front of you. You inspired the dish anyway. It's going to be salmong on top of chicken breast. I've been marinating the meat since this morning so it's just right
Girl: I've never been a muse before
Later that night....
Girl (looking as he cooks) : Wow this looks so good! I'm excited
Guy: Wow, you look happy
Girl: It's the little pleasures in life that make me happy
Later....
Girl: The thing is I'm the eldest in my family, I tend to make a lot of decisions regarding everything. In a relationship, I like when the guy takes the lead for once. Surprise me. Don't just do what I tell you to do. Make a decision for me from time to time
Guy: I understand
Later...
Guy: Your hair looks really nice. You should loc it
Girl: I thought about it but no... I like it like that, I can have it out when I want
Guy: You should loc it
Girl: No
Guy: You wold look really good. You should loc it
Girl: No
Guy: I used to have locs when I was younger
Girl: Good for you
Later....
Guy: Baby, are you spontaneous?
Girl: (why is he calling me baby) Yes I think so
Guy: Let's go to Mexico next week-end
Girl: No, I have too much going on. The end of the semester is coming up
Later...
Guy: I will have you hanging from the chandelier
Girl: Excuse me?
Guy: Yes, I bet you no one has ever freaked you like I can. You know a man wants a a woman that can stand next to him in public and a personal whore in the bedroom
Girl: (where have I heard this before?) Interesting...
Later....
Guy: I am this and I own that and I do that
Girl: Good for you! I'm surprised women are not throwing themselves at you
Guy: The chicken heads but special woman are hard to find
Girl: I see
Guy: I want you, I knewyou were different the minute I met you
Girl: (Seriously, I need a quarter for evertime I hear that) Interesting....
Later....
Guy: I like to host diners and parties and stuff
Girl: so you like to entertain?
Guy: yes
Girl: Good for you
Guy: I'm just telling you cuz I want you by my side when I throw events
Girl: (laughing) you're funny
Guy: No, I mean it. You're going to be my wife
Girl: Xcuse me?
Guy: Yes, you're going to be my wife. I can see it. We're going to accomplish a lot together
Girl: ( This is the first date right?)
Guy: Don't let my predictions scare you. Have you read the Secret?
Girl: I saw the movie.
Guy: let's be millionaires in two years
Girl: You can be a millionaire in two years
Guy: No us
Girl: Who said I wanted to be a millionaire? I just want to be happy. I don't need all of that
Guy: that's an interesting perspective
Later...
Guy: You'r sleepy, come sit next to me
Girl: (sleepy) No
Guy: Why not?
Girl: (sleppy) Cuz this is the first date and you want to marry me
Guy: Come next to me...
Girl: (sleepy) No. I want to sleep. I want to go home
Guy: (whispers)You can sleep here if you want
Girl: (sleepy and laughing) No (not a chance in hell)
Later...
Guy: Don't be scare of what I said. Irespect women and I won't push into anybody that doesn't want me around
Girl: Thank you a great everning, the food was delicious. Good night (walks away)
Guy: Good night


Girlfriend: Was it a good date?
Girl: It was interesting! I still can't stop laughing. I can't even make that shit up if I can....

Wha t do you think: Good Date? Bad Date?

Interesting - Man knows what he wants

I am the kind of guy that your mother warned you about. But let's face it, we both know that you never listened to your mother anyways...

Well I have to admit that I'm getting bored of the usual dating scene with the beautiful/superficial women that only worry about their work and what sort of car they drive... So if you think you have a passion for life and an interest to share it than read-on!



Let's talk about my limits... Straight up!


Suga' daddy material: ...If you are looking for a piece of arm candy type-guy that can buy you everything and that will put up with your public tantrems so that you can get your way with everything - Save yourself the trouble now and press the little "back" arrow button at the top left of your screen. (I'M NOT YOUR DADDY! But there are lots of them for the picking though!)


Also...


"Bellboy" material: I am considered gentlemanly but I'm not interested in lugging around someone else's baggage, nor am I the type to sort through it with them! (So if you want someone to complain about your life; you might want to try Dr. Phil who will gladly fly you to his studio and put you up in a hotel just to listen to you! ...not me!)


Third-wheel material: I am always looking for new experiences (ever tried kayaking?). But I have my limits!!!
...Women with photos of them with their ex-boyfriend/husband still in them need not apply! (I am not interested in guys, nor do I want to be involved in your bedtime fettishes with any extra partners!)


Stalker material: If you want to stalk me down, pursue me and chase me around like in a James Bond car chase, go find a job with the paporatzie! (...They'll even pay you for your skills!)


Babysitter material: FO'GETTABOUDIT!!! FIND A BABYSITTER! I am not going to make friends with you so that you can convince me to become a slave-labour-diaper-changer/drool-wiper (...I don't change diapers or wipe pools of drool unless the baby is directly related to me!)


VD-Laboratory test subject material: Bar-mistresses! You know who you are! ...I do not want to be a victim for your VD testing and laboratory experiments! So if your daily exercise consists of, well... - and you continuously have a new exercise partners. (keep on bouncin', but not with me!)



So, if you're still reading this, and you think there might be a chance of some chemistry. Don't be shy to message me! (...I only bite when totally excited!)


~ Whether a glass is half-full or half-empty, there is always time for another ~

Random

It took me a while to finish Edz entry but I did. Finally! I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying this new attitude of hers. I feel as though there's more light in your tone than ever! And I'm so happy. Which reminds me, don't jump the broom too soon my darling! I need a partner in crime when I go to Canada. I really like J. I think he has great influence and is treating Edz like she should be. One more thing, I never had bad posture. trust me, people think I'm much taller since I always stand straight and nowadays speaks my mind.
I'm not sure what I want to talk about today since it's a slow pacing week. Should be working on so many things but just really chilling. Should be studying, but again still chilling. Unlike Edz, I love my science fiction and I have been engrossed in some books that are keeping me away from my actual studies and even duties. The one thing that I am doing is actually looking for an internship high and low. I've been posting everywhere and it's driving me insane. I've even looked up ads in the newspaper. I'm also trying to get little tutoring positions. I made a mock up of fliers and going to post them anywhere I can this Friday. Wish me luck! As I mentioned before, keep your ears on the grapevine and let me know.

Other than that, I kind of ditched number 2 and I don't feel bad. Nothing in common. Mwen just poze. I've settled many times, this time around, not even going to try. Muah!

Thoughts at the end of March 2008

Some little facts in my life:

I went to the gym on Saturday morning. The gym has been my tremplin since I came back to Ottawa. I do try to go at least 4 times a week. Saturday morning was good, I managed to burn 400 calories on the trendmill and just while I was about to do some weight-toning exercises, I fell on my partner (one of the big boss in the Ottawa EY Office). I was really surprised, first of all, because the YMCA where I go is a really unpretentious place- a lot of immigrants families come there, lot of kids, lot of unpretentious people . The equipments are sophisticated and the environment is well preserved, however, it does not have the snobbish cachet of these super-expensive-impressive gym club. Second, there is a super-impressive-expensive club just two blocks away and the partner with his salary of minimum $350,000 can certainly afford it. Needless to say, I was rather intimidated and I couldn't properly finish my exercices. I was really frustrated- specially I was not wearing any make-up, I was sweaty and my hair was horrible. I've always enjoyed and prefered the YMCA because of the relaxed atmosphere, I don't have to worry about any sophisticated members or personnels, I feel at ease- so at ease that I've always decided to continue with the family membership, while I could go to the super-impressive-expensive gym place at no cost (all reimbursable by work). So now that my partner is in the entourage, my fun is all gone. I could see that he was embarrassed also, probably for the opposite or same reasons.

It was thus a good opportunity for question some of my presomptions. I've been always intimidated by this partner since the first time I met him at a recruiting event. Ok, I had/have a big crush on him. He is quick and sharp and he is certainly the pure image of the man of my dreams (Smart, witty, athletic and charming--> but always focused on his business). But again, he is just human and meeting him on the gym in my unsophisticated environment, all sweaty and vulnerable, remind me that he was just someone like me. His unreachable appearance is just appearance! And I also thought that I'd rather been a "human" than with the "smart-witty-athletic-charming but unacessible man of my dreams".

That leads me to thinking about J., that I just met. Well, at first I was disappointed because he was not my brilliant-executive. But the more I get to know about him, I'm charmed by his unpretentious humanity. He is so kind and so refreshing. And I don't get it... I don't get how he can fit so well in my habits while I've known him for only 3 weeks. I don't get how I can miss him while he has never been in my life before. I don't understand how I can miss him while I've never had him before. And he is so unpretentious. His car is old and not clean. He doesn't talk about the complicated financial issues that I'm used to, he doesn't dream about making millions. I'm not saying he lacks ambitions, he doesn't, he is just simple and patient. Well, I've missed patience in my life. I've always been on the go and never realized that the paysage, the trip, the expectations are more important than the final destination. So here I am being patient, starting and expecting and enjoying and just living. No kisses yet! Just three meetings and long hours of conversations.Yes, we do talk a lot, long hours at night, in the middle of the night he will call and talk, tell me about anything and everything. He has been in the Dominican Republic for vacations since last Thursday and believe me, he has called me every night. It's weird and this is making me kind of uncomfortable to have someone wanting to be that close to me. I'm a skeptic and you can understand my reasons. In addition to being an auditor and having to maintain a questioning mind, my past experiences have taught me to be distrustful. This guy may be a fraud and if he is, he is certainly a good one. Come on!

A good fraud and let me give you a listing of all of his acts.
1. He wanted to accompany me to the museum on our second meetings even after telling me that he has never been to the museum and has no interests. He decided not to go playing pool or bowling and we walked to the museum to find out that they were going to close.
2. He took the bus right after work (from Montreal to Ottawa) to spend a couple of hours with me at my work social. He danced on the whiteys music (hard rock, punk, etc...)
3. He didn't kiss me or touch me improperly in front of my coworkers and has never suggested anything physical (but that's probably part of the game, right!)
3. He is always on time- always- ALWAYS and has always called me or show up whenever he said he was going to do it.
4. He has been calling me even though he is on vacations in the Dominican.
What if it is FRAUD! I'd rather keep my professional skepticism.

That got me thiking also about my previous men. Maybe I was looking for the bad ones. Maybe I was asking them for too much. Maybe I was not seeing the real persons in them. Maybe I wanted too much. Maybe I was to idealistic. And that's why I was always disappointed. But if I start with no expectation, I may be pleasantly surprised.

I know, it is a lot of thinking and I should stop and enjoy the ride. But you know me, I can't stop. I'm a Thinker...

So next in my thinking list is of course my family. Well, they have been behaving really nice (I'm really presomptuous) to accomodate our Majesty Edwine. My mom has been really silent and non-intrusive. Well, she has tried so much not to ask me about my outings (she has succeeded a couple of times). She has not bothered me about my eatings. But, she couldn't stop caring about my health. Unfortunately, I've been nourrishing this bad cold-flu-cough for a while and she is stressing a lot about it- asking me when I'm going to see a doctor, asking if she should book the appointment for me, and etc... I found this really annoying but again, I understand her. Our health is her main concern now specially after my bro's sickness. My grandma is with us now and I know it is sad to admit it but our relationships is degrading. Mostly my fault, probably her fault. She is really conventional and traditionalistic and she is using her old age to rule out any criticism and to be as judgemental as she could be. This totally angers my confrontational modernism and let-me-live-my-life attitudes. So, we have been avoiding each other emotionally - which is regrettable as we used to communicate a lot.

With my brother, it is a whole different story. His naked vulnerability has created strong linkages between him and the whole family. You know, he used to be so strong and so mysterious. But now, seeing him so weak, so fragile, we are realizing that he is just a kid. And I'm trying to be present for him as much as possible- getting him his favorite sweets, books magazines. Spending hours in bed near him, watching tv, talking to him. He is getting better, I guess, because now he knows that he will get better and he wants to get better.

My other brother was celebrating his 20th birthday on Saturday also. He wanted to make it BIG (Ok, rap style video big). This brings us to Saturday night! I was his DD (designated driver) for his night out at the club with his friends. Wow, my brother is popular. We went to the club ( a nice chic club with a young and trendy clientele)- he got VIP treatment - Champagne, etc... He didn't pay for anything. Everybody came to him to present their wishes like he was some kind of Godfather. And he had conversation for everybody. The crowd at the club was really young and at some point, I started to feel so old and I didn't want to intimidate my brother and his friend so I went to the second floor and sit near the balcony to be able to have a good view of the dance floor and the bar area. It was a great observation point and I did enjoy my findings. My brother and his friends had a lot of fun - that also included some white chicks coming and grinding against them (or more than that in my brother's case). I also met this Haitian guy at the club and he spent a long time next to me, we talked. He had a nice smile and wasn't bad looking at all. I was looking like a substitute teacher the whole time despite of my sexy jeans and red satin revealing top. MMM, I've been meeting Haitian men since I came back here and I'm not really sure about the whole experience specially after having intentionally avoided Haitian men for such a long time. Yeah, my brother is popular, he knows everybody- even the parking attendant (we didn't have to pay again). I had pizzas with his friends after the club and happily drove them home.

Sunday, my mom convinced me on going to church. I did go, I enjoyed my church time, I enjoyed the priest, up to the point he announced that he was going to leave for another position with the Diocese. I was and still is really upset. I only enjoying going to the church because I think this priest is chill and I enjoy his preaches. He doesn't give fancy examples but has a realistic approach and sense of humor. I think I'll have to find another church with a convenient priest- which means that I may try the Anglican church down the road. My parents might not like that- but, I don't really care. My faith is personal!


I think my life is all about search now, searching for the right man, searching for balance, searching for a career! Yeah, I should talk about this last point! I want to take on a new career. I do have many options now - I can go on pursuing another designation such as Business Valuation, Internal Audit, Forensic Accounting. I really want to register and start taking classes really soon and I'm liking being in Ottawa I do have more time to study after work now. So I should take advantage of this and I should do this now before the man, the house, the babies. So should I go for another business designation (and eventually capitalize on it) or should I finally take these writing classes (that I've been dreaming about). The choice is so hard!!! What do you think?

This is long, so long... I just have so much on my mind and I'm enjoying the down time at work to reflect and my chargeability is dropping!!!

So how are you doing with the gym? How many pounds have you lost so far? I do want to lose about 10 pounds before mid-may, just to be able to parade on a new bikini at the beach on my next vacations. Ohoh, also, J. is really addicted to the gym, he is such in a good shape, haaaaaawwwwwwwwwtttttttttt body, 6'5 tall, wow, so I'm super motivated and he is always impressed whenever I tell him that I burn more than 350 Calories... lol, so this is keeping me super motivated. I just hope that I could get over my digestive malfunctions for now... I'm eating good food but still eating a lot of bad food and still not being able to digest properly. It is so annoying! What about your posture? Hey remember, look up! Next time, I see you I want to see some improvements.

Hehehe, I'm happy! More relaxed than before. I think coming to Ottawa was such a great idea! I have so much free time for myself and for my family. I'm even finding time to read and watch my stupid shows. You shouldn't study too much! You should leave some time for yourself. Life is so damn too short, you know! Life deserves better than some crampled hours in a clautrosphobic chemistry lab.

I'm single... Seriously

I thought that maybe we stopped blogging until I realized that Edz had been updating the page. How uplifting! I understand completely since I need to write again or else I will loose track of everything. So today, I'm writing in order to recount the past days where I realized that: 1. I learn something new everyday - i.e. the terms : Energy Vampires. 2. I am seriously single 3. Loosing your hair is a blessing compared to having cancer 4. Men get weirder with time WARNING: This listing is not made chronologically unfortunately. But it helps with the path of self-discovery that I'm on.

1. http://www.dumblittleman.com/2008/03/protect-yourself-against-energy.htmlI read this and understood completely why sometimes, there are people in my life that I don't like to have around me at all times. I was looking for something else when I typed in Dumb little man in my google browser but this really caught my attention. It reminded me of some people in my life who seem to have it all and yet manage to look like victims at all times. This thought has left me confused for quite some time now. When I read this, it made much more sense to me. I'm still looking for a term that describes the ones that ignore you when they have a bf until they reach a road block. Since I really cannot hold a grudge for shit, I'm still one of the lucky ones.

2. So this week-end, I had 2 dates. I can't beat you yet Edz! But I'm managing. Date number one was Friday night. Just lovely! After having the whole crew (surprise, surprise) at the house, my date picked me up and we went to dinner. first let give a quick data inspection to this mystery X:
Sex : Male
Age : 27
Marital Status : Single, but has been engaged before
Military Status : Veteran
Occupation: Chef, but working in something else
Glasses : Yes
Height : 5' 9"
Built: Not Bad
Type: Emotional, Seriously looking for someone to love
Chances of Relationship: Under Consideration
Chances of Getting Any: Slim
Since he was a chef, I expected that he would either cook for me or take me to a nice restaurant. Which he did. We went to NY where we had the most incredible Italian food and the most fabulous wine that I ever had. Needless to say we finished a bottle and I was pretty sleepy by the end of dinner. I always get sleepy when I'm completely buzzed. So walking back to the car, we passed by this club and I hear some Haitian music. He told me the name of the club and I checked the band. T-Vice was playing and there wasn't any crowd outside: can you say miracle? My date who obviously didn't want our encounter to end invited me in and we went dancing. I had a blast and he snuggled very close when he could. About an hour later though, I got tired and off we went home where I got a kiss on the forehead.

Next up, mystery man 2:
Sex : Male
Age : 23
Marital Status : Single
Military Status : None
Occupation: Rental Company representative
Glasses : No
Height : 6' 2"
Built: Excellent
Type: Loves himself, Thinks he's seriously funny, Very very talkative
Chances of Relationship: Slim
Chances of Getting Any: None
This one was met at a club recently (I know! I don't do that but it was a good night) and I thought a very crowded ambiance would be nice. I took him to a housewarming party that my friend was throwing. I thought it would be fun, specially I didn't want to be a third wheel there and I could get everybody's opinion. first off, I picked him up and went to my cousin's house to get my makeup done (we know that was also done in the name of observation) She was not impressed and neither was my aunt who came in later. The question people keep asking me is where do I get these guys? lol. Moving on. Next stop, party! He made his best to be charming and had so many jokes. I thought some of them were inappropriate and a little weird and at times a little loud. The reviews were very good. Except J who was seeing my point, the rest deemed him good looking and a very good character. Interesting.... Last stop, his house. Not so much his house, as his room in the house. But who am I to talk? He's independent, paying rent and making a name for himself. All good traits. I kind of got my self into trouble because during our conversation on the way back, I told him that since I drive so much I sometimes put my feet on the dashboard to entertain myself. Which I demonstrated. Which made his other leg go into motion, which resulted in him putting the moves on me seriously when we got to his place. No worries, I walked away without a scratch. Interesting evening indeed....
Here's to me and my single life!

3. I lost some my hair a last week and I was devastated. After Icalmed down, I realized that I'm blessed with more hair, beautiful friends that are here for me no matter what and a great family and landlady. Most importantly, I'm not sick and I'm ok. The thing I guess is that the self image is the most vulnerable place a woamn can be attacked. It's already bad enough I have a problem with my weight but to loose my hair as well? Too much! but the reality check is that there are way worse shit in the world out there. I got over myself...

4. At this point, my theory is that men are slowing loosing their traditional role in this world. In fact, they don't even know hwat their role is suppose to be anymore. As a result, they have become these creatures with overly sensitive egos that rend them worse us when we're pmsing. Does that make any sense? On this note, I think I might be single for a long time. I'm considering investing in a Rabbit. No lie.

These have been my rantings for today. Ciao and tty soon!

3 rencontres

Vendredi soir, il est temps de renouer les liens avec le camerounais. Notre relation de cinq annees demandaient des defoulements. Comme d'habitude, il voulait aller au cine. Je crois que pour lui, l'idee d'une sortie est etroitement liee a un ecran geant et a une salle bondee. Je le laissai choisir le film, Vantage Point. Il etait en retard de dix minutes. Il est toujours en retard de dix minutes. Il est arrive, empaquete de son manteau Pharm Boy, de son jean bouffant Enyce et il portait une tuque rouge. Dans ma tete, l'image d'un "marchand Sara" fit surface. Je masque mon inappreciation avec un mot de bienvenue. Finalement, je ne t'ai pas vu depuis 2 ans. Mais non, me dit-t'il, mielleux et souriant, mais non. Il me devisage avec appreciation, son regard s'arrete sur mes fesses arrondies dans le jean etroit, mon manteau de parachutiste et mes tresses-dreads. Il paie pour les billets de cinema. Mmm, pour une fois, je souris. Le film va bientot commencer, on se dirige dans la salle en parlant. Il sent bon, frais. J'aime les hommes qui sentent bon. Il a de beaux yeux, il a un beau sourire. J'ose enlever la tuque pour decouvrir un debut de rasta-head. I'm not impressed. C'est son reve d'avoir des cheveux de Bob Marley. C'est mon reve de ne pas sortir avec un homme a la Bob Marley. Il comprend mon desappointement. Tu n'aimes pas mes cheveux. Non! Tu me critiques toujours. Avant tu pensais que j'etais trop fort, trop grand, trop muscle. La, ce sont mes cheveux que tu n'aimes pas. Je ne repons pas, il est tombe juste. Je suis une fervente critique de sa personne... Le film commence, il me prend la main, me sourit, il presse ma main. Ses mains sont chaudes et caressantes. Je ne retire pas les miennes, je le laisse faire. Nous regardons le film... Une suite de scenes deconstruites- disons la meme scene repetee selon le point de vue des differents protagonistes. Je ne suis pas trop enchantee, ni impressionnee. Le film se termine, il me serre dans ses bras, me ramene a ma voiture et s'en va. Je rentre chez moi... Je sais deja, qu'il nous prendra une autre annee avant de recommencer. Notre histoire est une suite inachevee. Je ne comprends pas et refuse de comprendre apres tant d'annees.

Samedi soir, je suis impatiente, il devait m'appeler vers sept heures pour me dire qu'il etait arrive a Ottawa. Comme par hasard, (le hasard fait bien les choses), je suis en ligne. Le voila en ligne aussi. Il est a Ottawa, sa voiture est restee coincee dans la neige. Il a du faire des manoeuvres pour l'enlever. Les gens dans la rue l'ont aide. Ils sont bien gentils a Ottawa. Nous allons nous rencontrer a 9h, pour un verre, et peut-etre apres, clubber, pourquoi pas! Je prends une douche, je me mets des lotions partout, mes jeans serres et mon nouveau gilet noir super sexy. Je porte ma nouvelle chaine avec une boule felee en pendentif. Je m'installe dans ma Ford et je conduis a notre place de rencontre. J'arrive a l'heure. Je me gare et l'attends. Il m'appelle pour me dire qu'il aura 2 minutes de retard. Il se pointe dans exactement 2 minutes. J'apprecie sa punctualite.

Mmm, je reste detachee en attendant qu'il descende de sa voiture. J'ai appris a ne pas avoir des presomptions, j'ai trop peur des deceptions. Il est grand, tres grand. Il est habille comme un teen-ager, jean un peu rape, un maillot un peu serre. Il a un beau corps et une assurance que j'admire. Il a un corps athletique. Cote visage, pas pire! Je n'ai pas cette envie de m'enfuir, je ne ressens pas cette panique qui m'a deja abordee a maintes occasions. Je suis calme, je me dis, pourquoi pas. Il n'a pas la tete de mon dream-executive-man, mais on ne sait jamais. Il sourit et m'ouvre la porte de la voiture. Descends, allons prendre un verre. Son parfum m'envahit. Ce n'est pas un parfum pretentieux, pas Givenchy, pas Dior... peut-etre Boss. Juste Moderne et confortable. Il me laisse les avances... Il sourit encore... La conversation s'amorce facilement. C'est une conversation simple, sur les amis, la famille, les parents, les traditions haitiennes. Nous passons du francais, au creole, a l'anglais sans trop de difficulte. Je n'ai pas a reflechir a la grammaire en lui parlant, ca coule. Mais il parle beacoup plus, il sourit aussi. Ses yeux ne quittent pas mes yeux et ma bouche aussi. Deux heures passent, nous parlons sans nous arreter. Je ne sais pas d'ou vient cette familiarite. Il est temps de partir. J'ai decide que c'etait mieux de rentrer chez moi. J'ai un peu peur de ce que cette etrange familiarite peut entrainer. La patience est une vertu que je veux cultiver en 2008. Nous avons quand meme decider de nous rencontrer le lendemain. C'est imperatif. Il est curieux, moi aussi. Je rentre chez moi - un sourire large recouvre mes levres.

Dimanche matin, je me reveille a 10h, je m'impose une heure au gym. Je dois rencontrer Bostwana a 12h15. Il appelle pour confirmer pendant que je fais mes stretchs. Sa voix est un peu confuse, il n'arrive pas a s'accorder sur la meilleure place pour notre rencontre. Finalement, il propose qq chose. Je rentre, prends une douche et arrive a notre lieu de rencontre avec un retard de 10 minutes. Il m'attend. Il me tend la main. J'ai deja envie de rentrer chez moi. Je me maudis d'avoir porte mon t-shirt chance. Bostwana est petit, maigrichon. Il a des yeux intelligents, un sourire humble et il ne sent pas bon. Il sent la sueur, je devine qu'il a pris le bus et marche pour me rejoindre. Il confirme ceci en me disant qu'il n'a pas de voiture. Sa voix est basse. Je me surprends a ne pas aimer la couleur de sa peau, a penser qu'il est chetif. Je me punis en mordant mes levres. Il ne faut pas que j'oublie mes resolutions. Tout d'un coup, je le reconnais, c'est l'homme "Des dieux sont tombes sur la tete", un Bushmen enchante par la civilisation.
J'entame la conversation, il me faut beaucoup d'attention pour capter sa voix et dechiffrer son accent. Nous avons decide d'aller prendre notre lunch ensemble. Je creve de faim apres mon heure au gym. Je conduis au East Side qui est proche. Il a l'air etranger dans le decors, comme un enfant que son pere emmene pour la premiere fois au bureau. Il est assis sagement, etudie le menu avec beaucoup d'attention. Son regard vole des surfaces de mon visage, de ma peau. Je mene la conversation, je lui pose des questions sur sa famille, sur le Bostwana, sur ses etudes, son travail. Je conduis une entrevue d'embauche. Il est nerveux, ses mains tremblent et sa voix deja assez basse diminue d'intonation. J'echappe un baillement. Je me concentre sur mon repas, une salade avec un morceau de poulet roti. Le repas est beaucoup plus epice et interessant que mon ami. Je termine vite et reclame la note. Il veut payer, je le laisse. Il lui faut ce geste pour retrouver sa masculinite. Je retrouve un sourire en pensant a tous les livres que je vais acheter a Chapters, je suis aussi heureuse de me debarasser de lui. Il comprend le fosse qui nous separe, j'ai detruit ses espoirs avec un froncement de sourcils. La verite est liberatrice. Il veut m'accompagner a Chapters, je l'avertis que ne serai interessee que par les livres. Il peut venir s'il veut, mais il doit savoir que mon attention ne s'attardera pas sur sa personne. Je pense a l'ironie de la situation. Si Bostwana possedait le corps et le charme de mon ami de samedi soir, cela aurait ete super. Mais le monde est imparfait et en imparfaite personne, je n'ai pas envie d'accepter les imperfections de Bostwana. En imparfaite personne, je prefere rever a ma future rencontre.

Les devoirs d'une femme

One of the things that I don't like about being at home is that I'm second woman in line in the house after my mom. Which means that when my mom is absent, I'm in charge. If she had to cook, I have to cook. If she had to do laundry, I have to do laundry. If our house is not clean, it is my responsibility. The logics of this implicit rule are inavoidable. Whether I like it or don't like it, at some point, I'll have to take actions, do the groceries, cook for my bros and my grandma, take care of the dirty dishes.

In Toronto, I enjoyed the freedom of having no responsibility, having nobody to care for except myself. And myself was definitely not too difficult to please. Pita and hummus for the whole day. Sushi for diner with seafood pancake. Et voila! At home, I need to think about elaborating some complicating, greasy Haitian dishes that will satisfy my bros and my dad insatiable appetite. In addition, my mom being the perfect cook, makes it really challenging for me to impress the mass.

Today is no exception. While I wanted to vegetate in bed and nourish my blog ideas, I have to cook for la familia. It is my duty. It is my role. I'm the woman of the house and everybody is waiting for me. I'm definitely annoyed but there is no possibility of avoidance. This is scary! I'm starting to have doubt about my abilities to be the perfect wife and mother.

I will cook, clean and please everybody. I will also look for apartments while seasoning the meat and dream about moving out in the near future...

One week after Toronto

One week after Toronto,
Snow storm in Ottawa,
I'm laying on the couch,
Watching Dave Chappelle's Season 2, Episode 8.
Toronto is so far!
I have no reminescence of Bloor/Yonge.
No memories of my late nights.
Friends, Coworkers, meeting of a minute, thoughts of a day.
My memory is blank!

One week after Toronto,
I put the drawings on the wall.
They don't look the same,
Les caricatures d'Edwine.
I don't feel the same!
It is a different Edwine in Ottawa.

Edwine with no feelings,
Edwine with no intentions,
Edwine with no emotions,
Edwine with good concealer...
Edwine who doesn't really know
But can play the part,
And smile, laugh, look happy
And depressed because of a snow storm.

Do I miss Toronto?
I don't know yet.
I'll give it another week and decide on my feelings.

Blood

I went to the movie with train’ guy today.

We went to see “There will be blood”

Deeply immersed in the movie

Intense character with so much anger

I was scared to identify many of his traits

In my irrationality.

I want to be a better person in 2008.

Not like him!

Was it a date tonight?

I still don’t know… I’m intrigued.

It’s different.

BerryD.

I got my new blackberry today,

Excitement, excitement, disappointment

Phone got transferred automatically to BerryD.

And Missed calls, lost calls, lost contacts.

Tried to send thousand of sms.

Didn’t succeed at all…

Lost hours trying to get it.

Didn’t get it!

My format is all screwed up.

Such a stranger, such a loser with the device.

I want my old phone back, but I’m stuck with a 3-year contract,

And stuck with Appearance.

I have to learn quick how to use my BerryD.

BerryD. for Berry - Dwin…

Excitement is gone!

Welcome frustration!

I should learn how to post to my blog using BerryD.

That will be helpful.